Author – Counselor – Artist

Stress can be the school yard bully!

Posted by on Mar 23, 2013 in Blog | 7 comments

Stress can be the school yard bully!

Life has it’s own stresses and then when you add a stressful job…it can make you feel like you are up against the school yard bully.
I started off my week anticipating the coming of Spring. I have a hundred daffodils that I had been picking and gifting the week before. A few sunny days in Oregon and I have a smile on my face a mile long. I drive an hour to work and back each day. It is a pretty drive and I listen to great music…so I have stopped letting the price of gas stress me. I focus on the positive and since I work with a dream team…my work is a reward in itself. Life is good at this time in the year…right?
My work week starts out great…my business metrics are trending high and the closeout of the month is projecting to be above our goals. I am reaching out to clients to help support them with nothing but good intentions on my mind.
Then out of no where…comes the school yard bully. He has a scowl on his face and he is spewing ridicule. He is accusing without the facts and yet… I let it get to me. I am concluding that he doesn’t like me, and that just isn’t acceptable. My performance is in question and I take it to heart. I work very hard and try to give without any expectations on a return. Needless to say…I let this negative feedback spoil my day.
I take responsibility for my part and briefly try to explain…realizing that it will do no good. I have already been judged and convicted. So the bully successfully landed his fist directly on my jaw and I ended on the ground with a loud thud. The pain of my own disappointment lasted the rest of the day…through the night…and went on to haunt me all week long.
I prayed about the situation, confided in my friend and continued to focus on doing my job to the best of my ability. Still negative thoughts about my self would pop up every now and then and my self-esteem was taking a beating. My inner voice continued to be positive and supportive. I listened and by the end of my week…I was doing okay.
I made it through the week successfully, still a little bruised, but happy that time heals. I was proud of myself for not just diving into the “pit of despair” and trashing my self. I reminded myself through it all… that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all say and do things that should have been pondered a bit before their expression. I also know that it isn’t the authorities in my life that are the school yard bully. The Bully is our Self-talk that beats us up and leaves us all hurt and swollen.
I took the complaint and blew it out of proportion and let it beat up on me. Have you ever let a negative comment do that to you?

For those of us perfectionist…it is pretty common. Some of us have learned to handle ridicule better than others and age and experience help. What helped me this time…was my self-talk and prayer of course. I talked to my self in a kind and understanding manner. I listened to myself and soothed my emotions. I treated myself like I would a friend. I didn’t give myself a bunch of excuses or let myself off the hook. But I remembered that I am a good person who never means to do harm. I make mistakes and it’s okay coz that’s how I learn.
This time…I stood up to the school yard bully and didn’t run away. I didn’t let the stress destroy me, and it’s not going to ruin my weekend. 🙂
Thank you God for these words, ” He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers…”
I Peter 3: 10-12.

7 Comments

Join the conversation and post a comment.

  1. Terry L.McKay

    Enjoyed reading this Kim but now you know me well and I have many questions for you.Like who hurt you? I will be asking! Do have a marvelous weekend! You do deserve only the BEST!!! Love you like the Best sister ever!!!

    • Kim Yeager

      I hurt myself with negative self talk. I am getting better at stopping it and not letting it destroy me. I am also getting better at using positive self-talk instead. What others tell you may be important, but what you believe and tell yourself is most important. Thanks for your love and concern. You are a good friend.

  2. Molly Major

    Thanks Kim,

    I just had a difficult conversation and am facing another one. I don’t want to hurt the people I have to talk to but respond with compassion for the difficulties they are facing in forgiving each other and changing the conversation. I this role of mediator I’m also not perfect and have to admit that we need to remain open to the path forward although it might not be clear to us at the moment.

    Thank you for all the help you have given me.

    Have a lovely weekend! You’re the best!

    • Kim Yeager

      I am glad that my story has helped you. We are all in this thing called life together. I have been helped by so many along the way. You are an amazing communicator and I have faith that your talk although tough…will go well. You are a kind and compassionate person. Sometimes it hurts to have those tough conversations. But it sometimes hurts before we can experience growth. Some of the paths we must take are painful. That doesn’t make them any less valuable or not worth taking. We have to appreciate the journey. Sometimes as rough path takes us to a vista that takes our breath away. You will be in my thoughts dear friend.

  3. Jenny

    Very good and helpful blog.! I’m so glad to discover the passage in Peter that I didn’t know.

    I have have been confronted by and had to confront unpleasant people and situations, and when I do I always delve into my motives to make sure they’re honorable and for the best purposes. Then I proceed forward with conviction attempting to keep God’s will before mine. Then I just have to let it go.

    • Kim Yeager

      Letting go is the hard part. But if we are to be truly free of hurtful words that injure our hearts…then we need to put it in God’s hands and let go. There are lessons to be learned and growth to experience when we communicate with people. Some lessons are harder than others. I believe for myself especially…that I need God to help me through the hard stuff. It is the only way I can make a ounce of sense out of the mean things people say and do. I have concluded that Love is the only way to approach people. And God is the only one who can help me love everyone.

  4. Terry L.McKay

    It’s hard when we keep getting knocked down and try to get back up.Hard to feel appreciated even though we know we are by some.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *